It is so strange.
Going to Indiana and Minnesota was like a dream. I was so happy to see my parents and family, but I also felt a little sad and anxious generally because everything seemed to be the same. I felt the same, my family seemed the same, even the season is the same as when I left. South Korea has felt like a strange dream that maybe I have made up--fictionalized, probably, like I do so many other things in my head. The whole experience must have been a strange dream that didn't exist because I have come back to America, back to my parents' home (as lovely as it is and as grateful as I am), and back to the university that has the same politics I'm not sure I want to jump back into.
Hawaii feels different, though. Obviously and most directly, Mandy is not here. This simple fact seems to permeate every aspect of what I know to be Hawaii.
I wish Mandy could come in the door, and I would try to make her laugh in my feeble way. Usually I ended up annoying her, but I was just glad to have her nearby for a few minutes. Between her six hours of sleep and her eighteen hours of work.
Well, I'm doing a good job of this with Kate and James, too, but Finn thinks my jokes about putting cat food and whisky in the baby food are funny, so at least I'm entertaining someone.
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3 comments:
I know I can't be there with you, but hopefully you can make some new memories of Hawaii with everyone who is there, including new friends! Say hi to everyone for me, btw.
I miss you. Sorry that last night in MN was rocky; I was in a bit of a funk, not really anything valid or having to do with everyone, just a funk. And then I don't even really know what I said to you when you called that morning; was I coherent? Mike's been taking the computer, so I can't skype, but call if you want... Love ya!
I also am without computer. Spinning wheel-itis. Kind of like it's thinking and can't get it together. Lisa looked at it last night, but the fix wasn't made.
I know what you mean about fictionalizing things. I have this great book going, and the weekend seems so strange. Just me and the book, since you and Dad where both gone. Weird.
So have you gotten out and about much? Have you hugged everybody for me? Say hi to everyone, and I mean EVERYONE!!! love ya, mom
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