As much as I feel like I have tried to carve out a little slice of Korea to call home, I'm longing for relationships and people that understand me. Sure, Koreans have an uncanny ability to invite you in, make you feel welcome, make you feel loved, but I think the side of me that has always felt complicated and conversational misses having long conversations about so many different things.
And mostly, I miss missing out on things. I know that I chose to be here, but I hate knowing that I cannot see my beautiful new nephews. I hate missing Mandy. I hate wanting to see everyone, knowing that their lives are changing in unfathomable, complex, (God-willing) wonderful ways, but I am not a part of these things, and I have not been able to see any of it.
I will go back to see the same family--well, I will see Mandy soon in relative terms. They will be the same family, but it makes me so sad to think they are becoming different people with different lives, different things that I do not understand. Thank God we can become different and better people, but I don't want to miss out on any of it.
A year doesn't seem like long until you think of all the things that happen in a year: two new babies (four depending on the count), a deployment, a move to Hawaii, job difficulties, and a few different babysitters.
We'll make it through.
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2 comments:
We can't wait for you to be back too, but I know you'll look back on all of this with fond memories of great people. And you'll always have this amazing experience, and a fantastic place to visit, and really, can you ever have enough friends or people who love you from near and far? But this is one selfish sister who would rather love you from near than far :)
Heather, you worded it so well! I think I know what you mean and the way you feel. I always seem to have that desire for people to just stay put and things to never change. Just freeze frame! Well, the most important things -- God's word and his love -- never change, and I'm sure grateful for that! Can't wait to see you and know that in spite of all your amazing experiences this past year, you are still YOU! Love, Sue
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